Wrong - An End to Darkness

'I did not do it.' She said helplessly. She was unable to convince them, and her defeat was being reflected in their eyes. There she stood in front of the disciplinary committee, feeling like a raged doll. 14 years of education in an institute, and it all came crashing down for a mistake that never happened. Allegations saw no time. Her tears were useless now; her spotless record was useless. She was dirty. And what was her crime? Being at the wrong place at the wrong time.
Today when she recalls the dark times, no tear comes pouring down. A place which was once her second home is now just a building. All the memories, all the moments, all the friends, everything is dead for her. And she has no regrets. None at all.
She had left the library, walking towards her next class, tutorial class. It was all random, just like the previous days. Only that was the last day, and she was unaware of it. Sudden harassment from her teacher made her go all reckless and she rushed to a place she wasn't supposed to. And then the typical mentality kicked it. She cried, she screamed, she tried to convince them all but up to no avail. It was all over. A fabricated act, and she was awarded with a huge punishment.
She had grew up there. That is the only thing that tingles sorrow within her. Rest is all good. For she knows how cruel this world can be. A friend had once said: 'This world is not for good people.' Either she was a good person or else this was not her world.
Where ever she went, she could feel people staring at her. Not just stare. It was as if they could see beyond her clothes, beyond her body, beyond her soul. She was a hot topic for quite a time, and might still be. Darkness no longer scared her. It was peaceful to stay alone. A girl who was so full of life at a time was now scared of life. And the worst of all? Not even her family supported her. Flipping back through the pages of her life constant beating, checking, tortures and what not, was the main headlines, even failed attempts of suicide were flashing within. She secretly laughs at it now. For she thought this defined her. She thought she had to be evaluated on the basis of how people evaluate her. Even constant psychotherapies failed to bring her back. Friends and foes were now a same category.
And then, one day it all changed. In the end, it becomes okay. That's the beauty of us humans. We break. Fall apart. We cry. We gasp. We think nothing will be ever in place. And only one questions reverberates in our minds: 'Why me?' And then we think we won't survive this. But we do. We get up every time. We get over broken expectations, lost relations, forgotten friendships, no love, incomplete dreams and what not! We collect our shattered pieces and we try to stick them back together. That's the beauty of us humans. We find a new beginning every time, with or without the broken pieces. She found her new beginning. Only this time she wasn't alone. She had this firm believe in fate now. She got ruined and yet she got the most beautiful reward of her patience.
He heard it all. All her mistakes. The allegations. Her crimes. The real ones. The false ones. She exposed all of her scars to him. Both. On the body, and on the soul. And you know what happened next? She married her best friend. A best friend who came when she had decided to end herself. And actually she did end her self. It was the end which was evitable for a new beginning awaited her. That is how fate plays with us. It makes you suffer. It tests you. And then he awards you in the best way. Some go astray, and some on the right side. Only she earned a double reward. It was her rebirth with her better half. Everyone gets their new beginnings. She endured it all, and now she has a person to celebrate her new life with. And as far as people are concerned? Well, they are gonna judge either way. So why not just create our own world instead of trying to adjust yourself to the old one.
He was her world, and its all perfect now.


Kiss - A blur

"Somebody stop the fire!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. Silently inside me, a chaos was starting. What had I done? A group of people had formed in front of my house. I could hear the sirens of fire brigade vans a few miles away. But, how could I do this? I saw fire kissing her kerosene soaked body. And all I did was stare. She yelled and I stared. She yelled. And I just went. She yelled. And I let her. She yelled. And I did it.
Flashbacks haunt me today. Died laughter and gloominess have found home in the deep chambers of heart. A heart that dreads this life. Locked up in the cell, I am unaware of time and weather. Its only degrees of sadness and regret here. Both of which are increasing. They are crushing me. The moment I close my eyes I remember it. And I yell.
Husbands and wives do fight. That is a part of their relationship. Never should I think that she will leave me, for me she loves me more than anything, she used to say. Only I was a little too obsessed of my love. She was extraordinarily beautiful. We both let go of our individual dreams and then we built dreams together. Our dreams. All was good. Everything was in place. Everything was spotless until that one day. Bars around the bare walls laugh at me. They laugh at my fate. I scream and their laughter increases. I loved her. What was so wrong in that? Why can't I get another chance? Why can't I undo that day? Why can't I have her back?
It was a usual day. She woke me up. Slightly brushing her lips against mine. A soft moan escaped my lips. "Wake up love, breakfasts ready." 3 hours later we were moving towards the office building, from the parking lot when a man's voice stopped us. "Excuse me Miss?" "Yes?" "Could you please tell me where can I find Mr. Simpson's office?" "We are heading towards the same building, we can guide you there." "That will be great, thank you." With that we had a company. She wrapped her arms around my neck, closing our bedroom door. "What should I cook for dinner, love?" She whispered in my ears. One second she held me, the next second I grabbed her wrist and pinned her against the wall. "What the hell is wrong with you?" "What association do you have with that man!?" "Ryan, leave my hand." "I want an answer!" "You are gone mad." "Why did you escort him to the office?" "I did? Ryan we did! You were right there with me. Only I left him there and you have been escorting him all this time in your mind." Things happened too fast for me to comprehend. With shaking rage, I slapped her hard. How could she talk to me like that? No sound came from her mouth. She just stared me with bloodshot eyes. I swear, even at that moment she was beautiful. My bipolar disorder took everything away from me. I could have hugged her. Grabbed her right there. Beg her to forgive me. I could have kissed her. Instead I stared at her.
"You are a liar!" Still she was quite. "YOU ARE CHEATING ON ME!" Still no answer. "You won't be going to the job anymore. You are gonna stay locked up here." Still no reply. "Talk!" Tears were streaming down her face. Outrageous, she headed towards the wardrobe. Throwing garments at the bed she was yelling at me. "No matter what I do you are always gonna blame me for things. I am leaving." "Going to him ain't you?" Why didn't I just shut up? "What the what?" She stared at me in disbelief. "I just asked?" Placing hands on her hips she said: "You know what? I am. And I an gonna sleep with him too. Serves you right." That was it.
Why did she say that? I know she was just playing around me. Punishing me emotionally by saying those words. Like every other women she expected me to grab her by waist and tell her she is only mine. Apologize to her for I had treated her bad. Kiss her. Hug her. Instead, I burned her.
I remember blurred details of it. Going to the garage. Bringing the kerosene can. Pouring it over her. Her feeble struggles. Soaking the entire room with oil. Spreading it in the entire house. Her running after me. Begging me to stop. Her heading to the door, to escape. My grabbing and kicking her in the stomach. And then. Burning her with the lighter. Not even once did I say I loved her. That is how my world collapsed. Sweat and nightmare is what wakes me up today. I tried to stage the burning but the clues were too obvious. The burnt body was obvious. The row was heard by the neighbors, and me being the killer was obvious. A killer.
This sounds insane, right? A petty issue like that and a severe crime like that? But that his how it is. My retarded mind took her away. The hypertension and her words took her away. But most of all I took her away. Its a trait in us humans. We carry things like hatred and rage within us. Instead of love. Had I remembered her love for me, I would never have had such an attack. They say they will shift me to a rehabilitation center. But I don't want that. I want her. I want solace in her arms. Get her back to me. Get her back to me.


Cut - A Thousand Unspoken Words

The act of cutting one's self is regarded as an act of crying silently. Numerous people walking besides us suffer from the urge of killing themselves and we just effortlessly fail to realize that. Sometimes the problem becomes so unbearable that they are left with no choice. And if it prevails, it ends up being fatal. What they fail to comprehend is, suicide does not end the pain, it just passes it on to someone who cares.
I had a friend. He had just joined school two months ago, migrating from a different city yet he was already every one's favorite. A friend who was so lively and full of milk of human kindness. Never had he rejected help whenever he was approached. Many people he regarded as friends, used to approach him when in need, never did they include him in their celebrations or even come up to him when he was in despair. He was like a life safer for everyone. And he never complained. That is why it hit us out of the blue when we came to know about his untimely death. His suicide.
Things were all gloomy out of a sudden. The sky looked black too. I just could not believe it. It took me a week to regain my senses and understand what had happened. And his story made me hate myself and every other person who said he was their friend. Because he was suffering from ultimate pain all this time and we just did not even care to notice.
This lose made me realize that we, human race have failed as humans. Humans have a heart. But today, do we even have something close to a heart? We have become so selfish that all we care about is self love and self care. Self care is important. You can not serve from an empty vessel but too much of it is cunning. He was in severe depression. The continuous thought of failure had left him heartbroken. Then the sudden death of his parents and his little sister took all his strengths away. Two years of ultimate torture it was before he finally could not take it anymore. But never did he tell that to anyone. The unspoken tale was written in the patterns of cuts on his forearms. His uncle, who brought him up after his parents departed thought a little change of city might prove beneficial but he left us all mourning.
His death raised a thousand unspoken questions and problems. When I recall the most darkest time, this thought just dawns upon me every time that we need to act human. We need to judge people beyond their physical appearances. We need to look into their hearts and make them see that every one suffers. One way or the other. But it is unfair to kill yourself and make others question their existence. It is painful. It is very painful when you see a friend lying motionless and you could do nothing to save him. The memories haunt you later. And you just pray for this one extra second in the past so that you could just hug him and tell him that this shall pass. But its all gone now.
I could not solve this problem. I could not even realize this problem in time. But now that I have, I have sworn not to let any person in my circle to feel alone and helpless. The ultimate solution to a huge problem like depression is to make the person talk about it. Talking heals, just like time. Everyone has a best friend. Be it from their peer group, any family member, parent, siblings, spouse, teacher, pen friend, anyone! All one has to do is, listen to them. If they have no such dilemma to suffer from, they are ultimately blessed. But if one senses any slight sign of it, its not hard to ask 'How are you?' And if they say 'Fine.' That's your first clue.