Statements like "past doesn't matter", "forget about what you were", "your present defines you" etc etc somewhat emphasises more on your past being your definition. There is a perception about you, and no matter where you stand you cannot change it. Reputation they call it. So regardless of your efforts of realizing your mistakes, moving on with them, trying to be a better person for yourself, there will always be criticism. Now the general opinion may not matter but when you hear it from a person who matters for a minute things will go blue. For a minute you will go through all the flashbacks. From doing things to regretting it and then striving to be a better person. For a minute you will experience all the hurt and regret that may have led you to hope. So much will happen in a minute that you will feel everything but nothing. And in that minute you may think that ones a sinner will always be a sinner. But is it fair? The aura of your past being the outer layer of whatever and however you are? Its like all your efforts go in vain. The next moment instead of moping around in grief, think. Think about why you had hope in the first place. Then and only then will you know, your past maybe your definition, your efforts may seem fruitless, your reputation maybe not worth it, you may have no friends but aren't you still here? Despite all the darkness are you not surviving? Crying and hoping? Falling and rising? Striving and surviving?

I want you to know that yes you cannot change the past. You cannot even make it all go away. You cannot expect people to forget about it because the hell they will. I know you can do anything in this world to start with a clean slate. But even then know that no matter what, you will always be bad. And that bad will lead you to the good. How do you know you were bad? That is the first step towards being good. Knowing your wrongs. You cannot right all your wrongs, can you? I know it matters what people say. I know it hurts when they don't understand. I know how it feels, walking through places and feeling people whispering, pointing and laughing. I know how it feels being THAT person. But again, can you change it? No. You cannot. What to do then? Embrace it. Cry about it. But don't repeat it. Continue being THAT person, but don't be THAT person.

You are here because you have to be here. And what is here? That is how you see yourself. Being here is not where people think you were. Being here is where you know you are. After all, duniya kab chup rehti hai? Kehne do jo kehti hai.*

*People will talk no matter what.


Making Through

If there is anything that life has taught, it's that sometimes the darkest times can bring us to the brightest places. The most toxic people can teach us the most important lessons. Our most painful struggles can grant us the most necessary growth. And that the most heartbreaking losses of friendship and love can make room for the most wonderful people. I have learned that what seems like a curse in the moment can actually be a blessing, and that what seems like the end of the road is actually the discovery that we are meant to travel down a different path. I have learned that no matter how difficult things seem, there is always hope. And I have learned that no matter how powerless we feel or how horrible things seem, we can't give up. We have to keep going. Even when its scary, even when all of our strength seems gone, we have to keep picking ourselves, back up and moving forward because whatever we are battling in the moment, it will pass and we will make it through. We have made it this far. We can make it through whatever comes next.