To The World, 

I hope this letter reaches you in the best of your health. 

As I am on my last legs, not sure whether you even remember or not but it just crossed my mind that maybe I owe you an apology. I know you are pretty furious at me, I am sorry for the unknown. We were friends earlier, but I don’t know what just happened in a blink of an eye. I don’t know what happened that you starting attacking and bombing parts of me. No, I am not complaining. Not complaining at all. I am just sharing; sharing the ghastly feelings inside me. I am down and out, pal. I am being wiped and smashed daily, every second of every moment. I feel so wrenched and demoralized. I just wish the ground would swallow me up. It hurts. Every inch of me hurts. It is like I am being wounded on the same spot, my heart. At least I deserve a break, no? I was peeking at one on my organs the other day, and you know what? I look so terrible. The paint was peeling off. I was all black. I was grim with dirt. And I had this weird smell of neglect-tion. I really need a shower I guess.

Hey, I know you are furious at me. I know I must have done something terribly wrong. Otherwise why would you hurt your friend and its children? I understand your good intentions. I honestly do. I might sound sugar sweet but I am not kidding man. Not kidding at all. After all we are all your mercy. I just request you to help me out. I miss that humming of bees even the bray of donkeys. The croak of frogs and chirping of sparrows no longer soothes my ear. All I hear is weeping; weeping of my children, and then their children. It is like a chain; a continuous chain of misery. It sucks for me, for I can’t even answer their muted cries. They question me daily. They curse me for being their care taker. I know it is my entire fault. The ripping is my fault. They used to decorate me earlier. They found home on me. They kept me all cheerful. They celebrated events with me. We were one happy place. I was their home. They were my life. And ahh, they made babies in me. And oh, how much I miss the tickles I had when the little ones danced and played on me.

My heart lurches for I don’t know what the future awaits. I know my downfall is evident. Even the sky that covers me up is pewter colored and patched with ominous black clouds. Every day I wake up sobbing, drenched in sweat and in fear. Nights are even more dreading. As those cries run shrilly at night. Fighting back tears of fear, all I do is: Stare motionless at the approaching danger. Infinite parts of me die daily; infinite parts of me still wait being blown. I have this grief held at bay and I certainly refuse to give in to sorrow. It is not yet time maybe? Maybe grief was a gift? Something you had to earn and there are still unfinished things I have to do. Then and only then I can make peace with the past.

I weep at the cruelty of fate. I am nothing now. I am draped in darkness. Bare walls haunt me. I want my children to laugh again. I want them to smile. I want them to dance, flirt, study and earn recognition. I hate being objectified. They think I am motionless. But I want them to understand that yes I am as helpless as they am but I am not in-human. My heart throbs with them. Agony rips me too. But children, I want you to understand that time passes. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging wills, but pass it does. This too shall pass. Friend, only if you could see in my eyes for miles and miles, yet nowhere in their bottomless depths could you see the contradictions to the words I have spoken.

Events come and go. I can see my neighbors, my brothers and their brothers enjoying the celebrations; Christmas, Eid, New year, Easter and what not... Ironic it is that the only day of celebrations I have is when the death rate is below 100.

My pain isn’t located. The burning is everywhere, in everything. My face; my arms; my back, permeating passes every inch of my flesh. It spreads through my entire body, eating away all my tissues and muscles and bones.

Why am I even saying that? When I already know how angry you are. Again, my fault. After all my children raged you. And I born them so it is all my fault. I have been trying my best to take the bull by horns. But I have no clear estimate of when I might depart.

I won’t ask you for anything. But I want you to pass my little message to your children. It is something my little 5 years old kid has to say: “I have been looking for my Mama for the past 2 months. She said she will get me my bottle of milk. I don’t know what happened next, she was just two doors away when a sudden boom and my home was engulfed in pretty yellow flames, although the air was choking hard. It was all dark then. I woke up in a strange uncle’s arms. He is a nice uncle. But he feeds me bad leaves. I don’t like that taste. But there is nothing else to eat. My stomach growls. I miss Mama. They say she is safe with my brothers and sisters. Baba had gone to the super market 4 months earlier; he too danced with those flames. Mama said we will all soon meet Baba. But she had said we’d go together. Have you seen her? She has a beautiful face and she makes the best food in the world. Tell her I am waiting for her to come and take me back to our home. I too want to be with Baba. I miss my family. Uncle has nothing to say. But I promise I never committed bad. Maybe they misunderstood me for someone. So please don’t hurt me. Just give me Mama. I miss her.”

I am sorry. 

With love, 

From Gaza.

Here I sit,

Watching the seconds pass by,

Wondering when the night falls and the cycle repeats,

The tossing, the turning, the dreaming. 

 

Lying awake, 

Watching the seconds pass by,

Thinking to myself how life exactly changed,

And here it is again, 

The tossing, the turning, the dreaming. 

 

Thinking to myself,

How I never got the time to get in terms with it,

And despite how beautiful things maybe, here it comes again,

The tears, the darkness, the emptiness. 

 

Tossing, turning and waiting. 

Waiting to see,

This last time,

What takes the better of me..

 

We all have been there, we all have felt it for at-least someone in our life, and it’s that naive feeling we misjudge for something as pure as love most of the times. We don’t realise that it’s a cruel selfish world, that the one claiming to love us, is only there for themselves and that we would be left stranded as soon as either we are done serving the purpose or more ironically, somehow if we stop submitting ourselves like the freedmen the Romans used to feast upon. But once in our life, there could be those rarest of moments when perhaps it all makes sense. It all somehow falls in place, like the missing piece of the broken me I had no track of, comes swirling back into its dwelling. That’s when I saw her, the butterflies hit my stomach and the time lost its own track, when it felt that there’s no one else around and when I always had felt alone in the crowd, when my heart thumped like the drums of an ancient war band, and when the sweat broke my face like a glistening sheen till it rivulets making me realise it was tears.

It has been 18 years and it still feels like yesterday. I knew I wasn’t perfect, I thought of her as an adorable, comely, and suave girl who is only lost in her exploration of harmony. Her looks were so alluring, her smile so enthralling, and her presence so captivating. I could have never thought her to have anything for someone as imperfect as me but there she was, with her beauteous soul and her resplendent self, so innocent, so calm, a little nervous & shy, and yet so much vulnerable. I fell for her the day I saw her but I just couldn’t muster the courage to have her, to show her what she deserved and how I wanted to love her. I just couldn’t use her like the rest, I wanted her to have better, what she truly deserved, so she was set free to explore with her wings open, flying in the limitlessness of her blue, perhaps never to return, and that’s how I lost her. She was traumatised, for I let the birds of prey rapere her with their talons on the frozen lake, something I won’t ever forgive myself for. I wish I could only go back in time and change that, I wish I could only have made it all more purposeful; instead, it was all catastrophic for her.

Yes, I was careworn with my own battles but I couldn’t notice her tumbling either. It’s as if we were together but we were not. I always thought I would be the house she would call her safe heaven, but there was no one coming through the open door, until the tempest took it all away. The thought of her hating me and not wanting to see me no more was devastating, I couldn’t tell how much I missed her in those lonely nights, when I wanted her to be there, when I wanted her to say “everything will be alright”. But I kept lying flat on the beach, into the cold sand, in the middle of the night, counting the planes; I was too high to think anything else but to justify that I deserve to be ignored. It was no surprise her not recognising my voice, afterall I was only back in the hope that someday, this bitterness would fade away and I could find the path to her golden heart.

I had her close to me somehow, I could feel her radiant presence around me all day long, but she was again surrounded by the raptor, shattering herself piece-by-piece, giving her everything, but she seemed blissful and I was only content with that. “Isn’t this what you always wanted”, I asked myself. She meant the world to me and without her, my life would be empty so I never wanted to take her smile away even though she was sloping towards self-destruction. The demons had been able to enter her realm when the sky broke apart but her realm was a fairyland, mesmeric, ravishing and statuesquely symmetrical. It were the cold windy nights somewhere in the north, when she was close again, the shivering of my soul was ever so evident although I didn’t felt cold outside, I couldn’t hold back no more, I had to shield her, I was her knight. There was nothing more beautiful in this world than what I felt. Being close in such perfect harmony, and when I held her hand, I could feel my soul trembling; I never wanted to let go, I wanted to be her home again.

In that hour of need we both bonded but it was a plague of self-doubt that struck fiercely again. To love and to hold on made me feel alive again, but I was as good as dead carrying that lost soul back once again to the same world of disenchantment and neglect. I wish I could shriek my lungs out and tell her how much I loved her and how I always craved for her. She was taken again, by her own choice, unknown, unwanted, aloof, cool & distant, and I could feel my heart wrench like a twisted straw ready to be cast-off. I could feel myself wrecked a million times, it was nothing new but it was all my own doings. I believe that was not new either. What could I do, I was only trying to settle everything around. I kept running recklessly in the maze, all lost with no track of where I was going, trying to save my jenga tower. All I could do was to watch it collapse and with it my dreams, aspirations and hopes for a better tomorrow.

Now that it all has been done with, I want her to know, that she filled the void in my heart with her love, maybe I was selfish not being able to provide the same in return. You are the candle light of my darkness revealing me the true meaning of love. I have been dreaming about all of this, it’s just I couldn’t ever express it. Not a moment passes when I don’t think of you. You made me see the beauty in everything there is. You taught me the meaning of love. Finding you was like looking for a needle in a field of grass, the more I search the more I get lost in it. No one has a perfect past but we all have stories to tell; while you could never have me listen, you never got tired of hearing me out. Loving me with all my imperfections and crazy antics, even when I was under the weather, you never gave up on me my love. From being my best friend ever to the love of my life, you were, you have and will always be a part of me. We complete each other in ways we thought were not even possible, always together, through your golden heart, never to be separated, stitched unruffled, through the connecting thread of love.

Nothing makes sense, yet everything makes sense. All the love songs, all the quotes. I was not aware of the butterfly effect until now. I didn’t know why love stories were penned down that way and why is love described as so beautiful. I and my naivety never knew that it is a powerful emotion that was waiting to engulf me into its fold, to welcome me into this beautiful chaos where unwillingly and unconsciously you let all your guard down. The tangled web of insecurities, hurt, and the potential of an uneasy life is not what worries you anymore but you are actually trapped in the colored mess of one single human who happens to be your heartbreakingly-ravishing reality.

A connection that is both twisted intricately and yet so simple to decipher; it makes you go head over heels one minute and cascades warmth within you the other. Nothing happens yet everything happens. You feel like jumping, free falling into the fragments of your own madness, and yet you know you will be safe. Because your person will just break your fall, engulf you. And you will be gliding to the destination of their madness, the colors made for you. Nothing less than beautiful; nothing more breathtaking.

All I think about is him. From my mornings to my nights and everything in between. I know it’s something to say because you do not actually have them. And trust me, it is not entirely essential for your loved ones to be physically around you. They linger in your thoughts. Like he does in mine. I call him my heart because it’s like every beat in me is because of him. I do not want you to think that I am being corny or something. But you see for me life is of an entirely different meaning. For me, life is him. The peace he brings along, the love he offers to me, the care he provides. The happiness he is all about. I know I am trapped. And I promise I have no intention of escaping it whatsoever.

I have always tried to be a good person in everyone’s story. Why is that so? Maybe because I never wanted to be remembered as a person who caused them to hurt? But my love for him defies the principle. I no longer care who I am missing out on as long as I serve him with happiness. Because whatever he feels is reflected in me. And no, I am not a reflection of his soul. But in fact, he was that missing puzzle in my soul and I found him, and he just fit in. That is why whatever he feels is radiated within me. And I have reached a point where when I look at myself, all I see is him. I so wish you could know him the way I do.

Dreaming, living, craving a forever with you.

And that is when I look at him and I cannot help but think; here he is, my million in one.

 

 

And it’s not like you are not here. I know I am gonna see you almost all the time. You are here but you are not here. The hardest thing about losing you is that it just didn't happen once. I lose you every single minute we don't speak. When today, I woke up in the morning and reached for my phone and hoped to see a message that isn't there, and today when I will go to sleep at night after I realize that the only person I want to moan about how crap my day was, isn't gonna be there like before. All this time we talk, but we don’t talk. And I lose you in all of the moments in between, in all the hours of silence that goes by where I do nothing but think of you, go to call you, text you and then I don't. I lose you when I think of you, listen to certain songs, and was planning to go to certain places that are all tainted by certain parts of you and how you make me feel. And I thought, I used to think I could only miss you when I was alone, but that's not true. I miss you when I am around everyone else, too. Because they are not you. But you are there, at least most of the times. And I miss you when you are here too because even you are not you. And then I cling to those words. How I am losing my place. How I have lost it. How all those things in me that you once praised now seem opposite to you. And yet, I can't not think about you. It’s only when I am asleep that I get a break from it. From thinking and wanting and missing. But then I know I am gonna wake up the following day, roll over, check my phone, see that you didn't call, text, and I just know that I'm just going to feel it all over again.

Discovering myself. Something I am still not able to do. To know a way to express me. No bias. Just a way to say myself, my thought, and just.. me. Is there anyone reading? Anyone? Can I reach you with my words? Do I make a difference? I know that remains a forever question, but I mean I try. I mean I like to try to say the least. And this is why: Along the way, I am still struggling to find my why. 

I don’t know how it works. I am too fantasized for the realities of the world. I know my low. I know my weaknesses. It's like, it's everything. It remains a cliché that I know nothing. 

I know I don’t have control over what I am being thought of, perceived, talked with, talked about, and treated. 

You see a lot has happened and yet nothing has happened and I am on this brink of collapsing. But where to collapse? 

The realities being thrown at my face.. how to find my way?

I want to show who I really am. What I really feel. To be openly able to tell how I feel. Express me without the fear of being repeatedly told I am nothing but flawed. I know I live in a world of fantasies. I have been told. Repeatedly. Mocked. At moments maybe ridiculed too. I fantasize but I don’t fantasize anymore. I feel ashamed. It hurts. But I swear I am not whining. 

How do you regain this confidence? How do you make yourself see beyond the empty spaces? How do seek attention without being attention-seeking?

‘Everything isn’t all about you’

I know. I know. I.. know. 

I want to try, but I don’t know what to try. 

I may not have found help, but I am never asking it, not again. 

I want to discover all of this, but I don’t want to. I want to know who I am. Maybe there is someone who understood me, who felt what I felt, who could articulate what was going on inside of me, someone who took care of me, someone who could guide me through the search and name of all the chaos inside of me. But that person too- is a fragment of my fantasy. And well. I shouldn’t fantasize.

You see I only want to discover who I am, I want answers to my questions, but what really are my questions? I want the emptiness to be gone, but which emptiness to address first?

How to name this? How to express this? How to find me?

Growing and glowing.

Life is beautiful. Life is empowering. Life is so much peaceful. Life is so worth it. Life is you. 

Life is always teaching me, so here it is- 23 years, 23 new lessons you taught me. 

23. Your past is important, but not important that right now. 

Your mistakes don't necessarily have to define you. No one is saint. No one is perfect as per standards. Everyone is just human. And it's your choice whether you want the past to be you, or you want to create a new you. But, as much as it is your choice, it lies on your partner too. Be it a friend, a soulmate, your love, if they won't let it go.. You just can't. 

22. Patience can at times be your biggest strength. 

If there is one thing I could never imagine doing was being patient. It was my biggest vices of all. Yet, now.. I can wait. I can wait for hours. I can wait to hear back when someone needs space. I can wait for them to reach home safe, even if it is in the middle of the night. I can wait for anything now. And this really has grown as my biggest strengths, for now I can always wait for good things to happen. 

21. Talk. Always talk. 

I was barely vocal with stuff. I would let worries and assumptions and vague statements to consume the peace of heart rather than simply ask. But now, I know that we should always talk. Talk about everything. It might be hard for the first time, but ones you do it, you will know the perk. Talking might not always solve the problem but it will never leave you hanging in there. And this peace if worth everything.

20. Tip: Too much maturity can be draining.

Do not burden yourself with so much maturity that the child inside you dies out. Have fun. Have fun in everything and see how everything will be a top notch perfect.

19. Inspiration can lead you into doing anything. 

I think deep down we all believe that we can do whatever we want. It is the monopoly of our hearts. We think that only if we are led to believe that we have it within us, we can achieve all that we want. And nothing can be truer than this. All it takes is that spark of inspiration you see in their eyes when they tell you that you can do it. Not only does it gives you the undeniable power of transforming the world, you actually end up seeing yourself differently. 

18. Real happiness lies in making others happy. 

Nothing competes with the satisfaction of hearing your loved ones laugh. Oh the sound! Without thinking, without any ulterior motives you end up grinning ear to ear. And that is the best of happiness. It does not have to lie in you, it is sometimes in the most selfless things you do for others. 

17. Be with the ones who always bring you up.

I think everyone has it in them. Everyone can do wonders because we are all THE ONES. It is like I came to realization that numerous times we are brought down by people who are close to us. So now I know that whatever you love to do, no matter what the scale of it don't let go just because someone told you it is useless. Instead find the ones who are supportive of you. They won't do it too, they don't even have to understand it sometimes, but they will always be loving and respectfully support you. They will bring you up as high as they can and never will they try to push you down.

16. Always give wholeheartedly. 

Everything given from the heart is priceless. From time to efforts, to gifts to smiles. Do not think to get reciprocated or even appreciated for what you do. Because you might give one thing and they might give another, and both of them is just as priceless. Just as necessary, just as complete.

15. Saying "no" at the right time is mandatory. 

I never truly learned this. I am still struggling but I am still trying. I am definitely not done with this. Thank you for teaching me that no one should be pleased at the expense of my emotional wellbeing. After all, a no at the right time can be a good thing.

14. Change is inevitable in life. 

Some of us are scared of how things might be in the future. I guess we all are. For me, slightest of changes can be an offset. But now, with every minute transitions I know that you cannot stop it. Change is inevitable in life. From our routine to our roles, everything will change. I guess can always adapt for it as long as everything changes except for your feelings.

13. Everyone loves differently.

There is no scale, no standard, absolutely no way to quantify love. Everyone has their own way, and I would rather have you love me with who you are than to pressurize you into something that might end up into flipping the axis. It is just about recognizing.

12. Choose your friends wisely.

Look for who has ever said: “I am here for you.” and proved it. That’s it. See, quality, not quantity. Even if you’re left with one friend who would stand up for you and help you at the end of the day, that is more than enough.

11. Never second guess after you tell them you trust them. 

This year is all about believing in people. So why mess it up by second guessing things? If someone tells you how things are let them be. Why sit and think of all theories of opposing? Ever since I eliminated this toxic trait and learned to say okay on things, everything is smoother. Better. Happier.

10. Focus on strengths. 

One of the major downsides of time it that as you get to know someone more, you actually start focusing more on their weaknesses than the strengths that attracted you in the first place. Look around. How many people are bringing each other up, focusing on one another's strengths? How many people are picking up on the negative qualities and focusing on those instead? I believe that the ones who are shrouded with positivity will always remember that negativity is bad news. You just need to always remember the first smiles you ever shared and all will be okay in your heart. Just like that.

9. Complain less, appreciate more. 

Complaining with get you nowhere. It will just deepen the pit. So breathe in, breathe out. Close your eyes. Smile and understand that they are with you. Even if they don't say it out loud, even if they don't always ask everything.. they know it into their hearts that you are with them. So you might as well start appreciating the fact that you belong together. Start recognizing that now you have almost all that you once wished for.

8. If something consumes a lot of energy, let it go. 

Focus on solutions instead of problems, if something consumes lot of energy and has no possible solution just let it go. Give in to the situation and see how things will truly fall into place as long as you believe in the best.

7. Anything hidden is wrong. 

Be honest. Be 100% honest and straightforward. Do not lie. Treat people as a reflection of your own and that means keeping the other one informed. This is the one thing that will hold it all together. You may have nothing, but if you’re honest with one another then you are rich in love.

6. The purest of efforts are effortless. 

Precisely, just be you, let them just be them. Know that love can make you do crazy, wild, unthinkable things, but it also has the power to make you into one of the kindest, most generous people in the world. It all depends upon how you do things, not how much.

5. There can be versions of you. 

Ever thought how different you are with different people? How one will describe you as heartless while for the other one there might not be someone as kind as you. Why is this so? I think there are certain versions of us that even we ourselves are oblivious of. Unless it surfaces on top. Now you be one for the other, but with the right ones you will always be the best versions of yourself. And that person will even surprise you! The things you’d do with them, for them will leave you thinking that you never knew you had it in you. You will become the best version of yourself. For them. With them. Because of them. Think not about what the other person is or does, but how that person makes you feel and act. And it can be just by being who they are. Just themselves.

4. Happiness can be found anywhere. 

World is a very large place. It has many reasons to be sad. But very few reasons to be happy. So focus on the few. And they will be enough for you to know that you don’t really have to switch on the light to find happiness in the darkness, you just have to open your heart to them.

3. Nothing can compete with the satisfaction of knowing that someone believes in you 100%. 

I am a big believer myself. I have always believed in the honesty of hearts. And this is why, nothing, literally nothing can compete with this. Having someone who believes in you 100%. Either be that person, or be with that person. But just don’t let yourself be empty of this trait. This satisfaction. Honestly, it is the biggest of blessings. Get poured with this lasting belief in yourself that will move you from thinking that I should believe in myself to knowing I should believe in myself.

2. With true love also comes respect, trust, honesty, and forgiveness.

You already love them. But as much as you love them, this alone won't stand. You need to know that they are not perfect and they need to be forgiven. You need to understand that being honest will only bring you closer. You need to endorse it that respecting is not age limited. Above all, please know if there is anything they demand from you is for you to trust them. These are just a handful of elements that intricate a forever bond. There will be the emptiness of time, the problems of distance, and the competition of this world! And just loving someone is not entirely enough. You have to love them with all your heart and soul. Always and forever. 

1. Reality can be sometimes more beautiful than dreams. 

Set things right. Forgive people. Move on. Smile. Laugh. Cry. Jump. Dance. Sing. Spread happiness. Love yourself. Love others. Rest. Be responsible. Pay back what you owe to others. Follow your heart. Read. Kiss. Travel. Eat. Relax. Breath. Just live in the moments.

What we have might as well trump what we want. We just need to see it before it is too late. Life can be at times a dream with open eyes, and this might be our very own wonderland.

Life. It happens to everyone in a million different way. And the most common one? Love.

Something so easy to spell and yet the heaviest and profound. It can soothe in minutes, and leave you recklessly broken in the other. All of us love someone at some point of our lives and we love them with all of our heart and soul and we dream about being together with them for all of our lives. I did to. But what if that love is the death of you one day?

With every happy moment together, a sad soul legit fears tomorrow. They might not say it. For your sake or their own. Whatever the reason maybe, know that they are always scared. Scared of being all that they were before you. Without you; a mess.

In love, you feel the happiest person alive. You cannot think of anything but them. And in the moments of their absence, even their names leave you content. You are always smiling like an idiot. They are everything and everywhere, from mornings to night and everything in between. But do you wanna know what happens when they go?

I will tell you.

You are in pain. So much that it is only while you are asleep that you can breath. And that too, if the nightmares spare you. And in those moments you are so fragile. You cry so much that at some point, there are no tears left to fall. You just want the pain to end. And that is when ending is the only option.

But then why do people fall in love? Why do they be yours or make you theirs if one day they have to go? When leaving you is the only option? Maybe because you were never good enough for them.

Goodbyes are hard. And the hardest ones are saying goodbye to someone you wish to spend the rest of your life with.

The year of immense growth and learning. 22 things that have helped me cope with the struggles of adolescence, people, and the world. 

22. Things don't always turned out as planned.

We like to plan. Goals. We all have them. Smaller to bigger ones. I am not saying that one should not have them. Do plan but don't have this condition of your plans working out always. The world and people in it work way beyond than our mental abilities can apprehend. Remember, you cannot control every factor influencing your life. 

21. Things that go wrong cannot always be fixed.

I know no one of us intends for things to go sideways. We all want happiness and peace. Maybe this is why we waste majority of our times into fixing things that cannot be fixed simply because we cannot accept failure. But hey, the cracks never go. Just a universal fact we need to make peace with. 

20. Replaying past won't help.

Your coping strategy must eliminate your past or anyone who reminds you of your mistakes, shortcomings, sins, and all your failures. How do you expect to live if you won't come out of this shell? The people who love you will surely never push you back into the dark holes of your past. 

19. Recreating yourself is easier than criticizing. 

Give directions to your mental abilities. Stabilize and utilize that mental energy of yours into doing something creative and worthwhile. I mean what is the point of criticizing anyone anyway? 

18. The struggling years will seem beautiful in the future. 

That is what I have witnessed, felt, wished and experiences. Down the memory lane I see how struggle has made me cautious, empathetic and wiser. I now see people for how they love, care and feel. 

17. You are both, sage and storm.

You are a perfect blend of the good and the bad. Your choices will determine as to what will empower your self. 

16. Mental health must never be ignored.

People anticipate physical pain with the amount of blood you shed or the level you rank your pain-scale on. But when you tell them your emotional struggles I know they say "This too shall pass." Aren't you one of them? Help people to heal. Understand their muted cries. Pick at least one person and help them see colors again.

15. Love people when it is the hardest to love them.

Everyone has a breaking point. Everyone has their limits. Don't abandon them by labeling them as "changed." Love them. Please. 

14. Everything happens for a reason. 

I was once told that we learn from three things. First comes our senses, then our mind and last is the Divine Guidance. With the help of our 5 senses we see how things are, with our mind we know how things work. It is said that when neither help you to understand how things are working or happening then know that is beyond a human mind to comprehend. That is where this comes, everything happens for a reason and not every reason is made to be understood; they are meant to be believed in. 

13. Love is everything around you. 

From your smiling reflection to the person you just hugged. From nature to nurture, love is everything you see, hear, touch, smell, taste, and feel. 

12. Everyone is damaged.

Not everyone can express the battles of within. Where someone's pain maybe petty to you, you need to know that everyone is healing. Regardless of the level and rank, everyone is healing. If you can't help them then please don't make it any difficult for them.

11. Kindness can have a major impact. 

How can you be okay if you just emotionally destroyed someone? I don't care if it was unintentional or a deliberate inhuman manifestation. You did it. Stop right now and rectify it for ones. Be kind. Please, just be kind. 

10. Self care is essential. 

Even you should take a break. You need to step back and nourish and softness inside of you; the way you work on your outer beauty. And, it also means that you choose not to argue with people who are firmly committed themselves into misunderstanding you. 

9. Never stop learning. 

Even the wisest man has yet something to learn. 

8. Start feeling beautiful. 

You have a beautiful energy in yourself. We all have it; a superpower. Now I know being able to fly must seem super amazing, but ain't caring the same? Imagine giving a shoulder to lean on, and seeing that crying person's spirit being lifted. You may not be able to fly but you can make people fly. (Metaphorically)

7.  See people for who they are, not for who they must be. 

Nobody is perfect. And one of the major reasons for why we complain for people not being as-per-our-standards is because we start to wish them be extra loving, extra caring, extra selfless, extra pretty. It is ironic how we want people to accept us the way we are and complain on how they do not change.

6. You become what you surround yourself with.

Even psychology vouches for this one.

5. Respect.

From excuse me to thank you, knocking on doors to giving way and everything in between. Show respect. Your parents, teachers, siblings, spouses, family, children and even any random guy here deserves it. 

4. You aren't always right. 

Period. 

3. Cleanse yourself.

Let go of hate. Let go of envy. Let go of jealousy. Stop comparing. Stop judging. Stop complaining. Grudges cause pain. Don't you get tired?

2. Never compromise on your family and friends.

They are your keepers. Your backbones. They love you without any condition, any payback or price. Don't lose them. Tell them right now, you love them and you are grateful to have them in your life.  

1. You got to be tough if you are going to be stupid.

There is nothing that can be truer than this.

Statements like "past doesn't matter", "forget about what you were", "your present defines you" etc etc somewhat emphasises more on your past being your definition. There is a perception about you, and no matter where you stand you cannot change it. Reputation they call it. So regardless of your efforts of realizing your mistakes, moving on with them, trying to be a better person for yourself, there will always be criticism. Now the general opinion may not matter but when you hear it from a person who matters for a minute things will go blue. For a minute you will go through all the flashbacks. From doing things to regretting it and then striving to be a better person. For a minute you will experience all the hurt and regret that may have led you to hope. So much will happen in a minute that you will feel everything but nothing. And in that minute you may think that ones a sinner will always be a sinner. But is it fair? The aura of your past being the outer layer of whatever and however you are? Its like all your efforts go in vain. The next moment instead of moping around in grief, think. Think about why you had hope in the first place. Then and only then will you know, your past maybe your definition, your efforts may seem fruitless, your reputation maybe not worth it, you may have no friends but aren't you still here? Despite all the darkness are you not surviving? Crying and hoping? Falling and rising? Striving and surviving?

I want you to know that yes you cannot change the past. You cannot even make it all go away. You cannot expect people to forget about it because the hell they will. I know you can do anything in this world to start with a clean slate. But even then know that no matter what, you will always be bad. And that bad will lead you to the good. How do you know you were bad? That is the first step towards being good. Knowing your wrongs. You cannot right all your wrongs, can you? I know it matters what people say. I know it hurts when they don't understand. I know how it feels, walking through places and feeling people whispering, pointing and laughing. I know how it feels being THAT person. But again, can you change it? No. You cannot. What to do then? Embrace it. Cry about it. But don't repeat it. Continue being THAT person, but don't be THAT person.

You are here because you have to be here. And what is here? That is how you see yourself. Being here is not where people think you were. Being here is where you know you are. After all, duniya kab chup rehti hai? Kehne do jo kehti hai.*

*People will talk no matter what.

If there is anything that life has taught, it's that sometimes the darkest times can bring us to the brightest places. The most toxic people can teach us the most important lessons. Our most painful struggles can grant us the most necessary growth. And that the most heartbreaking losses of friendship and love can make room for the most wonderful people. I have learned that what seems like a curse in the moment can actually be a blessing, and that what seems like the end of the road is actually the discovery that we are meant to travel down a different path. I have learned that no matter how difficult things seem, there is always hope. And I have learned that no matter how powerless we feel or how horrible things seem, we can't give up. We have to keep going. Even when its scary, even when all of our strength seems gone, we have to keep picking ourselves, back up and moving forward because whatever we are battling in the moment, it will pass and we will make it through. We have made it this far. We can make it through whatever comes next.

Often it happens,
The wedges overrule
Love fails;
and ego rules.

Has it ever happened to you?
The urge so strong;
the meaning so vague.
Has it ever happened to you?
The desires so prompt;
and the talks so empty.

Broken trust and mistreated actions,
Wedges always draw wrong reactions.

The finger tips touch
while the hand escapes
the tight grips;
yet the commitment shakes.

Mute cries and heartbreaking longing,
Wedges are always so appalling.

She maybe bad
He maybe good,
but hasn't it always been in the books?
The good for bad;
the bad for good.
The balance of nature;
the fate you shall nurture.

Shallow love and deep desires,
Wedges are lethal than fire.

We spend our lives protecting and shielding our loved ones from the harm of others and the outer world. We think about all the possible things, people, places, and even tasks that may damage them. Watching them hurt is what makes our heart ache. A random thought of losing of them swipes the ground beneath our feet. All we can think is about the love that comes pouring and the care that cannot be shunned. But we always forget the obvious; sometimes we are our greatest enemy.

No matter what relationship you may be in, be it your brother, your sister, a friend, your best friend, your lover, your parents, your children, your wife, your husband- anyone you cherish. You have to know and accept this that not every thing you think you are doing to protect them is really protecting them.  

If you are lying to them for the better, know that the truth might not hurt them as much as lying would. They may forgive and forget the lie itself, but you? It is going to be hard for them to forgive this one.

If you are keeping secrets from them, know that the secret may come off as a big shock but your hiding will be bigger. They may tackle the secret itself, but how will they let go the thought of you keeping secrets from them?

If you are cheating on them, imagine the heartbreak they will feel when the truth comes out. They may forgive you, but they won’t ever forget how that made them feel. So, stop, stop if you are into the process of shattering this beautiful person into pieces.

If you are lying to them, know that regardless of your intention, a lie is a lie. It might help things for the time being but eventually it will destroy all. No bond is worth a lie.

If you are not sharing your feelings with them, know that there is nothing more beautiful than listening to what a person really feels about you. Tell them, whatever it is, they have signed up for this.

If you are not letting them chase their dreams because you fear they are not ready, know that you are very wrong. Imagine the happiness they will feel ones they have accomplished the life they awaited all this time?

Nothing is more powerful than truth, love and understanding. How can you expect the outer world to be compassionate when you yourself are being cruel? How can you expect them to understand while you have been lurking behind illusions of safety?

If you really want someone to be safe, happy and protected then start protecting them with truth, honesty and freedom. Be your greatest friend.

21 years into this world and I already feel like a decade old. Life has not been exactly like a roller coaster ride for me, it has been somewhat more profound. Roller coasters don’t exactly make you grow do they? Life is exceptionally beautiful if you consider the adolescent process more like a journey; a journey past heartbreaks and tears, a journey of learning. After all, we are all here to learn. 

21 years and 21 lessons learnt. 

Lesson number 21: Everybody in this life is for themselves.

It is wrong to think people don’t exactly go your way. Do you do exactly what others expect? We don’t like to change yet we want people to change. Everybody in this life is for themselves, either accept them the way they are or just walk away for good. You are complicated enough to welcome other complications. 

Lesson number 20: We don’t always know why people do what they do.

We judge too much, despite the usual bicker that we don’t. Everyone does. Everyone might not say, but they do. Is it wrong? Maybe it is because by thinking we associate meanings to things that people do. Meanings that may hurt someone is the process. Stop right now. Trust me, even if you think you know things you don’t, we don’t always know why people do what they do so just let them. Ask or else ignore, just don’t think. 

Lesson number 19: Even the strongest ones need help.

We think just because they make you laugh, they don’t need help? Just because they have always been there for you when you’ve cried so you get this free pass of being the only one being hurt? Look around you, find a strongest friend and talk to them. Tell them you are with them the way you would want anyone to be with you in your low, remember, even the strongest ones need help. 

Lesson number 18: Heartbreaks are important.

If it hadn’t been your heart that broke, you wouldn’t have learnt the importance of peoples’ association. You wouldn’t have realized how important heartbreaks are for you to grow; to acknowledge pain and appreciate the gain. Every heartbreak teaches you to overcome the greatest pain in order to stand up for yourself and people around you. Only by moving past a point you’d know who really was meant to mend you.

Lesson number 17: As annoying as they maybe, siblings matter.

Either they are the bossy adults who think they own you as a personal “worker” or they are the smaller whiners who always win fight by pretending you killed them with a mere scratch, either way they are annoying. But think for once and you’d realize that willingly or unwillingly, intentionally or unintentionally they have always made you feel good. You matter for them and they matter for you and neither one of you has to say it, you’d find enough reasons if you just close your eyes and recall your beautiful bond.

Lesson number 16: Not everyone owns you.

Nobody owns you in fact. Nobody pays you for the way you are. Nobody has to. You are what you are. But please, stop destroying yourself thinking that you own this right of doing whatever the hell you want to because you don’t. You owe this life to the Creator. And He doesn’t want you to waste it behind trivial people and mundane things. Pay back by being good, that’s all you are required to do. 

Lesson number 15: The ones afraid to fall, don’t fly.

Outcomes are not assured. You cannot be certain about what your reactions your actions may return. You cannot fly if you are afraid to fall. But please, for the sake of yourself, do what you love without thinking about the consequences. The real freedom is no fear. Now I don’t want you to rob a bank if that is what you want to do. I want you to do what you have dreamt of, I want you to overcome this fear not being certain. I want you to take risks, experiment with your life, take chances because 20 years from now nobody would want to sit and think “what if?”

Lesson number 14: Books are very good companions. 

Reading is not as bad as it may sound. You travel to a different world with each one you read, and you learn. You learn a lot. You learn to be patient. You learn about people. You learn about perspectives. You grow.  Have you seen people around you? Have you seen them crying, and laughing and yelling while reading? Yes. Books do that to you. They are good. Books are definitely very good.

Lesson number 13: Best friends are always right.

They support you, they become what you are, they fight with you, they make you wanna squish them bad, but yes they love you. You can go all snobby over them and complain about how much things suck, and yet they are the most adorably convenient beings who are still gonna sit and cry with you and tell you that you suck for wanting to do something so bad, and then end up doing the same with you. Because you know, you are partners in everything. And they can read your mind. And the next time they tell you are being a pain in the ass, just know you are really are being one.

Lesson number 12: It is okay to screw up. 

Life isn’t about being perfect, life is about making mistakes. Get stuck somewhere and get up. It is okay to screw up. You are not bound to be perfect. You are bound to make mistakes and then it is up to you whether you are coward enough to repeat it or brave enough to rise over it and shine. Screwing up isn’t bad, not accepting is. 

Lesson number 11: It is not mandatory to solve every problem. 

It is hard to find people who listen to you. Who actually think that their problems and distress matter to you. Don’t underestimate the power of listening. So if you are lucky enough to have this quality of listening to people, acknowledge it. Don’t hold back thinking how to solve it, just know that for them all that matters is that they can look up onto you to vent out. It is not mandatory to solve every problem, even listening is enough.

Lesson number 10: A friend who watches over you is a keeper.

Is there someone who has always been there when you need them, in disguise? Regardless of the intensity of your need? Someone who somehow knows you or wants to know you? Someone who has done as little as passing you ketchup on the table full of food and people while you were just searching for it silently? They are silently watching over you. They want to help you. Let them. Don’t lose them in the pursuit of searching for much happening friends, keep the low life ones who love you effortlessly.

Lesson number 9: Smiles are beautiful. 

Imagine the glow in the eyes of your loved ones when they see you happy. Has is ever happened to you? Your heart melting when you see your friend, you lover, your spouse, a kid smiling with their eyes all gooey? Isn’t that beautiful? Imagine making them do that with your happiness, your success, your achievement. You are wrong if you think your happiness is limited to you. Your happiness stretches to people who love you. Smile for them. 

Lesson number 8: You cannot make people stay.

I have always thought if I’d just one more day to set things right. One more day to undo the events and make people stay. Undo breakups. Undo death. Undo mess ups. But I can’t, and neither can you. No one can make people stay. Accept that when people go for good, they actually go for your good. They leave this empty space for others to fill. Let them go. Let others come. It is okay. It is human. It is the nature’s law. Don’t be too harsh. Stop blaming just let them go. 

Lesson number 7: Hoping against hope is not stupid, it is brave.

It is brave to think that fate may change. You are not stupid to think that just because something is likely to happen, it will happen. Hope always wins. Hope always helps. And when things go parallel to hope, you at least know that even in your lowest you had the courage to stay positive. So the next time you hope against hope and watch people calling you reckless, let them. Nothing can be more reckless than them not seeing your strengths. 

Lesson number 6: You can tell a lot about a person by what they choose to see in you. 

We always explain and justify people that we are not as bad or as good as they think we might be. We reply to them that you don’t know us. Maybe they don’t. Maybe you really aren’t as good as they think or not as bad as they perceive, but trust me, by just seeing what they choose to see in you, you can tell a lot about them. Because I have learnt that what people choose to see is how they perceive things. So if they see the good in all of your bad, then they are good. They are good people. Learn this tip.

Lesson number 5: Life isn’t always fair.

Life should not be fair. Trust me you wouldn’t want life to be fair. Because then we might suffer a lot more than we really are. You know why? Because unintentionally or unwillingly we upset a lot people around us. And if we really wanted life to be fair, we’d end up getting a lot more setbacks than we do now. So the next time you think why me? Still be thankful for not suffering the real repercussions of your actions. It is actually life being unfair to you. It should be life being unfair to you.  

Lesson number 4: Acknowledge both, love and hate. 

The way there are people who love you despite whatever you do and say, there are going to be people who will hate you despite whatever you do and say. Because balance you know. Things have to go in balance. With every good comes bad. Pain leads to gain. Friends vs enemies. Acknowledge it all. And then think about the ones who love you, think about making them love you more. That is where the real peace lies in. 

Lesson number 3: Everyone has their own way of caring. 

Did it happen that you have ever did something for someone knowing that you won't get anything in return? Has someone ever done something for you knowing that you won't give anything in return? Everyone has their own way of showing they care for you. Either by picking up your calls in the middle of the night just because you can't sleep or by cancelling plans to spend time with you on your special days, by bringing you water or by giving you some advice. Everyone has their own way.

Lesson number 2: Live a great story.

Have idols but don’t live their story. Live your own. Don’t be the next Einstein or the next Mother Teresa, be the first you. This is your story, your life. It is up to how you write it. 

Lesson number 1: We don’t have forever to live. 

Set things right. Forgive people. Move on. Smile. Laugh. Cry. Jump. Dance. Sing. Spread happiness. Love yourself. Love others. Rest. Be responsible. Pay back what you owe to others. Follow your heart. Read. Kiss. Travel. Eat. Relax. Breath. Just get up and do what you want to because if you think you’d do something tomorrow you might not, you think you would have this chance? Do you think you have forever to live? You don’t. You have this one life which itself is not guaranteed. Every passing second is one second closer to dying. And I hope you don’t die today in the hope of living tomorrow.

You can always live the life you have wanted, you just need to learn how.

I saw it hiding among the bushes. My prey. This opportunity was rare. A deer in the Amazon jungle. My deer. This chance was never escaping my claws. Its panic stricken face was surely veiled by the greens, but the trembling of its tiny legs was the true reflection of ostensible fear. It had known the lion was here.

How lame it might would have been for the deer to think it may flee from the king of the jungle- me. What a reckless thought. Saliva had begun to ooze, the time to relish my feast was approaching. I could smell it. I could feel it. I could sense my victory. Just one leap and I would win again. I would dine in style.

In the human world strength and power may lie with the wealthier ones. But in the natural world, real power belongs to the physically strong creatures. They don’t need to hunt but how can they be different from us? They too hunt. Not to satisfy their taste buds but to satisfy their filthy self that makes them believe they are always right. But in the natural world, even wealthier humans fear the real lions.

My thoughts were distracting and there went my prey. Dashing away, in vain. How remote could its tiny legs take him? I started following the miserable creature. A sudden warmth and determination welled up inside my body with every strike I made to welcome my dinner. Air whipped past my face; dry leaves crunched beneath my claws; insects were being crushed; sparrows flew, alarmed, but nothing was now going to make me go astray. All that clawed my mind was victory.

It felt like gliding. I felt weightless. With every passing seconds I came closer to my destination. My deer was just a few feet away. I could see the symptoms of tiredness in my prey. And fragility gave me invincible energy. And all of a sudden, my right leg betrayed me.

Has it ever happened to you humans? You are so close to you goal and all of a sudden your world shifts to a different axes? Have you experienced a hurdle so close to your aim you almost feel like cursing the air, punching whatever comes forth and wanting to veil yourself away into wilderness. I don’t know about you, but I hate it. I hate being vulnerable to nature. To things that come uninviting.

A thorn. A thing as tiny as a thorn disturbed me. That is the beauty of uninvited happenings, they either break you and you back off or they make you determined enough to overcome your shortcomings and move on, just like that. I was determined. But by the time I overcame my pain, the deer had succeeded in being a little too far. I hate this.

I shunned away the bushes that were blocking my way. My ears could hear the pigeons cooing and the bees humming nearby. And the Earth, the Earth shook as I hounded the deer. Why couldn’t it just surrender? Why was it being so stubborn? Why couldn’t he just give up already? Poor thing thought he could compete with the natural law.

My impatience was clouding my senses. I jumped a little too noisily and the deer escaped. Again. I landed on barren ground and a sudden roar escaped my jaws. This was too much. But why couldn’t I hear the deer running away? Because the deer lay dead besides me. And there was the other king, towering over my feast, his prey now.

I gritted my teeth in exasperation. How could he feed on my food? How on Earth? I roared with a thundering fury and broke into a sprint. I wanted it back. I didn’t care about the herd I might find, I wanted this one. The other lion was too seething with fury. Should I fight my brother?
Do humans fight their fellow brothers and sisters? Ah, how foolish of me. Of course they do. They think of others as by-products of nature. And themselves as the superior ones. They fight with both the right and wrong, but never for the wrong.

With a solid sense of pride, and against my will, I backed off my ex-food. I could hear zebras nearby. Yes definitely zebras. I started my journey again for a prey that was stronger than deer. Than meant fun. After all, who’d want a lame deer any ways?

Photo Courtesy: Atif Saeed

Gazing around, I can see a lot of toxic relationships. For balance you see, every good comes with bad. If you cry you shall laugh, if you fight you shall kiss, if you get hurt you shall heal. But do you ever feel like breaking the rules, crossing the line and going beyond the obvious requirements?

All this time I kept on loving you from afar. Reading all the words you wrote for me. Mesmerizing our moments together, I kept on staring at our pictures. Ironically, our relationship became as still as the framed photos. For some people our conversations were meaningless but for me they were everything. And then came this moment. The moment of truth.

Is it important for your future to know your past? Your tomorrows to know your yesterdays? Your good to know your bad? For them to know your mistakes? I think we humans are made to make mistakes. Our mistakes are what make us ourselves. Mistakes tell us we are alive and very much sane. It is insane to be perfect. To never have done something wrong is just wrong. What really is a mistake? Why do you call it a mistake? Because eventually you realize it is wrong. And that is the real sanity, knowing you are wrong.

I think and ask myself, does he know me? The person I am with, does he know my heart? Does he know my love? Had he known, his heart would have allowed mine to be his. Surely it wouldn’t have thought about hurting the one who made his heart beat a different sound, and make me go through hell and question it all. Question myself. He drew me in and that’s what made me take care of him. That’s what made me fall. He made me fall.

But can I blame him? Can I question him? No. my naivety and I trusted him, I wish he could see the repercussions his actions can do. I wonder if he could see it himself or see me maybe. Because you know the closer I look, the more I can see him but I can barely find myself.

That’s toxicity right? Holding on to someone who says he wants to stay but in your heart you know the harder he tries the more you fade. You just keep standing there and slowly you step down the memory lane. The memories you thought had left haunting you, the moments you thought had stopped chasing you, the pages you thought you had burnt forever. And then, when you hear them say it is your fault. It maybe is. It always is. It always will be. But despite being so miserably crestfallen you know why we still cling to hope? Because in all our mistakes that person is the only real insanity we have. The only perfect thing we belong with. And that is why we stay; we cannot help but love them even in the bad and that too with all our heart.

The ornaments of my ankles dance along as I twirl towards a heavy man. Licking my lower lip, captivating him, I bend to expose the already exposing swellings over my blouse. Low lights are an addendum to my work, a little wink, and another prey. Don't hate me already, my swirling and twirling is what I get money for, the rest is just bonuses they earn, for I am here to entertain. I am here to be the dancing girl.

 My amatory body sways along the exotic music. I am here to fill in their appetite. Barely covered in a net fabric, I lift my lament eyes towards the wolves. Their hooting suggests my prevalent job is going to be a lot more lucrative tonight.

I am poor, and I am a girl. These people here are rich, and they are guys. Rich and guys. Rich guys. It's true when they say money is the root of all evils. I earn through wrong means, and they spend it on wrong means. Irony is that, both of us sin but they still judge me for my sin. They might be cheating on their wives, their girlfriends and maybe their parents but no, the dancing girl alone is sinister here.

This paunch man on far end points his fingers towards me; an invitation. I twirl around him, the sight of my raw navel is enough to make his mouth water. He traces a hundred ruppee note on my raw flesh, I give him a cheesy smile; I am his food for tonight.

This ambiance is imminent for me. For I am a piece of meat and these are famished dogs. Once sated, they'll roam around with sufficed lust. And I will be left with another stake of sorrows. I do not relish my being. My raunch is impure, find me a cure?

I stretch in the middle, my efflorescent body perfidy restlessness. I do not wish to be laid, but I am in dire need of money. My children are nobody's heir. I don't even know who they belong to, these fathers here don't really care. I can not earn them respect. Poor children, they think their mother is the best.

Eccentric ain't it? All the vibes are a limited liability for the poor. Little did I know, money buys virtues. This shindig is going to end, and I will be pursued in privacy. This gathering would one by one ease their manhood in me, and I will have nowhere to escape. This place feels like a abattoir, the only difference is, I am the kind of animal who will never die. Immortal. Copious. But would they do the same to their women? They might as well kill them in the name of honor than to let them being exploited.
They await my adept service, my depravity. I am a dancing girl, stuck in a travail.

Photo Courtesy = Saleha Adnan

Her small body shook with sobs. She was trapped in an airless interior of her own blackness. Bad memories she had wiped away from her mind over the years had returned, like long drowned bodies bobbing back to the surface again. With streaming eyes and a punctured heart she picked up the blade. Slicing the flesh of her bare arm no scream escaped her lips. The trickling red fluid took away the excessive grief. As if, eliminating the crippling conception of hopelessness. Words hang like blade. It feels as if our world is all black and grey, no matter what the sun is saying. We hug isolation like our life depends upon it. To break the aching emptiness there seems like no other convenient option for our heart is afraid it would shatter into a million fragments that would vanish forever into the darkness. Nothing stirs and our empty life craves color. It craves light. Time gasps for breath. Everything seems fractured and at that particular moment, that verge of breaking down, every bad memory abodes our hearts. It's like being in the middle of a circle and being revolved into pain and darkness. Natures itself lays traps. And we fall like a prey. We fall down like an old tree falling down in storm. But ask yourself, why? Just because you could never escape from the iron grip of desires? I understand how very painful it is. The feeling of your heart being cut. Words feeling like blades. Courage fading away. Uneasiness seeping down the bone marrow. Pain being locked into every chamber of heart. And worst of all? No one voices it. But hey sweetheart, is this worth it? I know you are gonna say had you been at my place you would have known. But what If I say I have been down that road and I know you are gonna get nothing but scars? If you really feel that light is too feeble to penetrate gloom, why don't you shift around a bit? Why don't you be your own hero? The act of cutting oneself explains mute misery. The weird designed patterns on your arms are there only because you let sorrow empower you. Only because you handed yourself over to grief. 10 20 years from now, imagine when you'd be staring at the scar, when things will be okay and you'd be covering it with makeup this thought's gonna poke you every minute that what it if I could just have been patient? Yes! Being patient is what is being required. You think everything is compressed, what are your parents for? Your best friends for? Or is it just your mean boyfriend that matters? Don't talk about love unless you don't know what real love is. This cutting is inflicting pain on people who matter for you. They lay awake for there is nothing they could do to help you. And that is what real pain is. That is what being helpless is. When they lay awake, crying all night for you. Just for you. Remember, this too shall pass. Maybe in ragged steps, but pass it will. Grabbing the light, or the blade? The choice is yours.

Photo Courtesy = Saleha Adnan